Wondering If He Likes You?
Behavior Is a Language.
"I've been talking to this guy for a few months now, and honestly, I'm confused. It feels like I'm usually the one reaching out. I'm the one asking to hang out, trying to plan things, trying to keep the conversations going. He finally agreed to hang out, so I picked a place, and he asked me to pick the date. The day of our date, like 30 minutes before, he texted me saying that he couldn't make it. He didn't really explain why, but just said that he couldn't make it. A couple days went by, and I texted him just to see how he was doing, but he left me on seen. A few days ago, I saw him at church. He didn't approach me, but he did wave hello from far away, and I'm wondering if I should just directly approach him and ask if he was interested or not. My friends are telling me that he's clearly just not that into me, but I just want clarity. I don't know. I'm confused. What should I do?"
Welcome to Letters to Cristina — a brand new segment where I read real letters from viewers like you. These are confessions, questions, and situations you wouldn't feel comfortable bringing up with a close friend, a family member, or even a church leader. And here, I read them and give you a biblical counselor's perspective.
Today's letter stopped me in my tracks — not because it was shocking, but because I know so many of you are living this exact situation right now. Let's get into it.
Let's Call This What It Is
First of all, I want to say — I'm genuinely sorry. I feel so heavy for you because you are clearly emotionally invested in this. And I don't even want to call it a relationship, because a relationship requires two parties.
You said you've only been talking to this person for a few months. And in that short time, you are the one reaching out. You are the one asking to hang out. You're the one trying to plan things. You're the one trying to keep conversations going.
He finally agreed to hang out — and asked you to pick the place AND the date. So far, this is a person who is not making any effort. At all.
"He asked you to pick the place. He asked you to pick the date. That tells me he's not taking any initiative at all. Why are you okay with pursuing someone who is not pursuing you?"
He's Already Told You Everything
Let me decode his behavior for you, because behavior is a language.
If he's not reaching out — that means he's not thinking about you. He doesn't miss you. He's not interested in talking to you.
If he's not asking to hang out — that means he doesn't want to spend time with you and doesn't want to make you a priority.
If you're the one planning everything — you are not on his agenda. Not even close.
If he's not keeping the conversation going — he's not interested in what you're sharing. He's not curious about you.
And then the day of the date? He cancelled 30 minutes before — with no real explanation. A few days went by. He had time to reach out, to explain, to communicate. He chose not to. And when you were the one who reached out again — he left you on read.
"Are you okay with falling for a person who is very clearly not interested? Who doesn't even consider your heart at all in this situation?"
A Wave From Across the Room Is Not a Relationship
You saw him at church. He didn't approach you — but he waved hello from far away. And somehow, that left you confused and wondering.
My friend, why are you okay with breadcrumbs?
In a real relationship, you need more than a wave. You need communication. You need understanding. You need to go out, to know each other, to learn each other. A wave from across the room is not that.
And I want to be honest with you — please know my heart. I don't judge you for any of this. It is hard. He is also responsible for what's happening here. I don't know if he struggles with being honest, or doesn't want to disappoint you, or simply doesn't care. But men — if you're not interested in someone, make it clear. Do not set up a date, cancel last minute, and then ghost someone. That is not okay.
You're Not Confused — You're Hopeful for a Fantasy
With all due respect, I think you might be blinded by the castles and stories you've built in your mind. Maybe you've fantasized about who this person could have been — but the truth is, this is who he is. He has shown you exactly who he is through his actions.
As I read your letter, here's what I actually hear:
"I am so desperately in need of love, affection, and attention. And I'm willing to beg for it and continue seeking it — even when I'm rejected."
And that is not God's heart for you.
If I were sitting with you in a counseling session, I'd want to ask you deeper questions — about your childhood, your examples of love, your previous relationships. Because the way we've been shaped affects what we believe we deserve. And somewhere along the way, you may have started believing you don't deserve someone who chooses you fully.
You do. You absolutely do.
Here's What You Deserve — And Shouldn't Budge On
I assume you're a Christian woman because you're following my content. So these three standards come from that foundation. I've been married almost nine years — our marriage is not perfect, but I know what a solid foundation looks like. Please hear me on this.
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01
Date a Man Whose Character Is Like Christ
Jesus is clear about his intentions — he has never left you wondering if he cares, if he loves you, or who you are to him. He is intentional, consistent, and never gets tired of pursuing. Date a man who makes his intentions clear, whose eyes are fully fixed on you, who is consistent and loyal and not allergic to communication. A man who never leaves you wondering if you're enough.
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02
Date a Man Who Has the Fruit of the Spirit
Don't just date someone who goes to church, serves in church, or appears Christian. You shall know them by their fruit. How does he treat waiters? How does he treat his family, his friends, his coworkers? Is he patient, gentle, loving, and self-controlled? A man who is easily angered, quarrelsome, or controlled by substances will bring chronic pain, anxiety, and even depression into your home and your marriage. Date someone whose fruit you can taste and see for yourself.
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03
Set Standards — Because You Are a Daughter of a King
Based on what I'm reading, I fear you may have some hard experiences that made you feel like you don't deserve standards. But you are not an orphan. You belong to a King — a Father who loves you and cares for you deeply. Good looks, success, and intelligence are not enough. Look for a man with good character, good integrity, who is kind, patient, sweet, and gentle. Someone who is willing to suffer well with you. Someone so focused on you that his intentions are always clear.
You Are Not Alone in This
Dating is hard — especially now, when so many people won't make their intentions clear. But you have discernment and wisdom. Use those tools so you don't have to walk through unnecessary heartbreak. You deserve someone who chooses you every single day.
If this letter resonated with you, I'd love to connect. Book a one-on-one session with me, or send your own letter to be featured on the next episode.
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